KB69 - How to Master Conflict

RELATIONSHIPS
What is your Conflict Style?

Conflict is as inevitable as a rainy day in the UK.

It's something we can't avoid, no matter how much we love the calm.

However, how we manage conflict can make all the difference.

Understanding our unique conflict styles allows us to navigate these challenging situations more gracefully and with less stress.

Jayson Gaddis of the Relationship School has broken these conflict styles into four simple styles.

Read them and choose the one that best describes you.

Let’s go…

The Seekers: Golden Retrievers and Porcupines
First, let’s meet the Seekers.

Have you ever felt uneasy when someone you care about begins to pull away?

This discomfort can trigger what's known in conflict resolution as an "attachment response."

For those with a seeker style, this means going into full pursuit mode.

Imagine a Golden Retriever, tail wagging, eyes wide, repeatedly asking, "Are we okay?"

Though it might seem needy, it signifies intense loyalty and concern.

The challenge for Seekers is maintaining their own stability, even when they feel like chasing lost affection.

Then there are the Porcupines.

Have you ever felt defensive during a disagreement, almost without realising it?

That’s typical Porcupine behaviour.

In conflict, they react by becoming defensive, their sharp words intended to protect a vulnerable heart that fears losing control or, even worse, the relationship itself.

If this sounds like you, the key is to learn to temper your defences.

Try to relax your jaw, lower your shoulders, and when you feel ready, share your concerns softly.

It’s not about losing your defences but knowing when to keep them at bay.

The Avoiders: Hermits and Ferals
Next, we have the Avoiders, who prefer avoiding direct confrontation.

Among this group are the Collapsers, who, like Hermit Crabs, withdraw into their shells at the first sign of trouble.

If you relate to this, you might need to practise being more assertive and engaging rather than withdrawing when challenges arise.

And what about the Feral Cats?

These individuals, when faced with conflict, would rather leap over a fence than address a confrontation.

They are the silent types who find solitude more appealing than any dramatic dispute.

If you're a Feral Cat, consider this: relationships, though occasionally complicated, are usually beneficial.

Try returning to the discussion table, even if every instinct urges you to flee.

Embracing Growth
Growth begins with recognition.

By identifying our default responses in conflicts, we can experiment with new, healthier ways to interact.

Whether you're a Golden Retriever, eager to maintain connections, or a Hermit Crab, seeking safety, remember that flexibility is your friend.

Understanding and adjusting your conflict style isn't just about smoothing over relationship issues…

It's about evolving into a better version of yourself

One who can face conflicts with confidence and resilience.

NEW PODCAST
Do What You Said You Would Do

In this episode, we discuss the importance of keeping your word and doing what you say you will do.

• Why Keeping your word and doing what you say you will do is a powerful way to build trust and respect from others.

• Why Being reliable and trustworthy can lead to opportunities and open doors for you.

• Why it's important to be honest with yourself and not overcommit: Overcommitment can lead to burnout and disappointment.

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